We hear the word "intimacy" very often but most of us aren't sure what the word means exactly. The problem is that we cannot achieve something if we don't know what that something specifically is. It's like "you cannot reach your destination if you don't know what the destination exactly is."
If you ask a guy, he will say: "Intimacy means sex".
If you ask a lady, she will say something very different: " Intimacy is hugging, cuddling and kissing."
None of these answers are correct or incorrect.
Intimacy is being open. It is a deep connection between 2 people on an emotional, physical and sometimes even on a spiritual level as well. Intimacy is about PRESENCE rather than performance. Intimacy is where 2 individuals RECIPROCATE feelings of trust, emotional and physical closeness towards each other.
The problem is that guys feel connected through sex, while females feel connected via talking. Intimacy requires both equally. It requires 2 sexually and emotionally open individuals.
The 3 pillars of Intimacy:
1., Vulnerability: is the willingness to feel absolutely everything: the highs and the lows, and everything in between. The problem is that we don't want to feel the lows, so we use alcohol, drugs, porn etc to create a false high feeling.
In order to be able to feel the highest of the highs, we have to be willing to feel the lowest of the lows. This adds the richness, the juice to our life and to those highs.
2., Authenticity: is showing up and being real. It's communicating exactly how you feel with no agenda and/or fear of the response. It's also being able to share your needs and desires without any judgment about whether they are right or wrong. It is about being able to ask what you need and wants in a direct manner (and not in a covert way).
3., To be open-hearted: is being able to be fully present in giving and receiving. Communication and trust are crucial. Being able to listen (not just sit and nod. It is about active listening and willingness to understand the other person's perspective).
It is a plus if you (both of you) are willing to slow down, and also have a great sense of playful adventure.
I will explain the 4 dimensions of intimacy in my next blog.
I am available for coaching sessions via Skype or phone.