How to be comfortable with Your Sexuality?


All of us were born sexual creatures. Everything about us is such that we may mature and procreate.

And we are such that it is all pleasurable and fulfilling. But for some of us, somewhere along the line, something went very wrong.

Shame, guilt, self-consciousness, or self -doubt set in, and anything about sexuality became something very uncomfortable. I was not raised in a loving, functional, emotionally healthy home, and thus, I not been comfortable with my own sexuality for a very long time. Typically, children raised in emotionally healthy homes (with proper self-esteem) grow up to have healthy attitudes about sexuality. This is true for both men and women. My parents never spoke about sexuality. It was just never discussed (I got a book though at age 12-13).


Some men (and women also) are not completely comfortable with their sexuality. They may feel guilt or shame about sexuality or maybe very selfconscious with self-doubt. This is usually the case when men were raised in a home where sexuality was something bad or shameful, or in a home where the developing boy (or girl) did not have a close relationship with two loving parents. Or tragically so, there are young men who were sexually abused by another person who themselves had unhealthy attitudes about sexuality.

This is very sad and tragic, as it leaves deep long-lasting emotional trauma around sexuality. For anyone with any shame or guilt, they must realize that they are not alone. Many people feel similarly. But the source of the conflict is very much an individual matter, unique for each person. Such a person would greatly benefit from individualized professional counseling. Many counselors are specially trained to help such people.

These counselors truly enjoy helping people; it is their chosen profession to help people.

It is actually a liberating experience to work with a counselor (or a life-coach, or intimacy coach) and deal with deep underlying beliefs. It is truly rewarding to come to a place of peace and comfortabout sexuality. It is a manly masculine thing to seek help. It is a courageous thing to ask for help when needed.

Just like you bring your car to the mechanic, or go to the dentist for your teeth, you can go to a counselor to help with emotional issues. Not that there is something broken that needs to be fixed, but that we as men who have not been trained to counsel, we don’t really know what is wrong. We only know that we want to be healthier. It is not some kind of admittance of blame to seek help; instead, it is an intelligent, thoughtful, and responsible thing to work with someone to help us to develop as healthy human beings.

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