There are four distinct steps in creating an attraction and in taking it in the direction that you want it to go. These step s are:
1) Comfort ; establishing trust and security
2) Rapport Break ; making the difference between attraction and a friendship
3) Building Attraction ; where they start to see your attractive qualities
4) Escalation ; taking it to the kiss, the date, or wherever you want it to go Each step is a phase that people naturally go through when developing a romantic or sexual situation, whether they’re looking for a one- off encounter or a full- blown relationship. If you’ve ever had any kind of encounter or relationship, chances are you’ve been through all these step s yourself – every time - but without even realizing it. The order of these step s is important. Diving in at the deep end could result in disturbing or panicking the other person. A rapport break with no comfort could be unpleasant or insulting, trying to build attraction with no comfort is an unwanted advance and escalating with no attraction won’t feel right because they don’t see you as anything more than a friend. Sometimes it is possible to skip to a later stage however, as the previous stages may have already been completed by the other person. Let’s take a quick look at each stage in detail: Comfort
Especially with a stranger, you want to engender a situation where they at ease with you and there is no fear of you doing anything harmful to them; in short you want them to trust you. Sometimes , especially when someone find you initially attractive then another person may seek comfort with you.
Breaking rapport is critical to creating a feeling of attraction, as comfort alone becomes an easy friendship, pleasant but unexciting. With a rapport break, you want to jar the comfort slightly, usually by disagreeing on a point, teasing or by saying something sexually suggestive.
After breaking rapport you’re in a position to convey your attractive qualities and to balance the excitement created by rapport-breaking behavior with comfort, demonstrating your high value and making your company an exciting yet pleasant experienced. This is probably the hardest stage to learn from scratch for those who don’t have a natural aptitude with it, but if you’ve ever been in any kind of romantic or sexual situation, you’ve done this already.
Once a certain level of attraction has been achieved you are then in a position to escalate and capture the situation, with a kiss, making a date, getting a phone number or however you want to take it. While it is possible to initiate the interaction with one of the stages other than comfort, but unless it pre- exist s somehow then it is highly likely that each one will be met with a negative response, meaning you have to do additional work to salvage the situation. For example, opening with a lot of assumed attraction could cause a negative response such as the person you approach wonders if you are so high value, you are bothering to speak to them? It doesn't take much to realize why someone would respond negatively if you began an interaction by immediately trying to escalate into a relationship with them . There will sometimes be situations that fall outside of the boundaries of this formula, other external factors may be influencing it, for example some people may need more comfort before you can consider breaking rapport with them . This is a fluid system. If you notice that someone needs more comfort then simply resort to building a little more before moving on to the next stage; if a great deal of comfort pre-exist s then you can open with something a little more controversial, breaking rapport right off the bat . As you get more and more used to dealing with attraction, you want to get into a position where you no longer need to think about these stages and where
it all happens naturally.
Indeed, those naturally good at building attraction already go through this entire process without
even realizing what’s going on, it is these lucky people we wish to emulate by learning about
attraction and as with all things, the more you work at this, the better you’ll get.