The 4 dimensions of intimacy

Intimacy is a hot topic now.

We all want it or be better at it but none of us is really sure what it is exactly about.

In my previous blog post, I have explained what intimacy is and what are the 3 key pillars of it.

In this post, I am going to talk about the 4 dimensions of intimacy.


hugging, kissing, caressing, cuddling, holding hands, sex, and any other forms of physical affection.


the ability to effectively express and validate tender, loving emotions in a manner that's nourishing and constructive, and being able to respond affirmatively when the other person does the same.

eg.; "How are you feeling?", "I appreciate you." "I love you", "I am sorry", "You are very important for me".

Although these sound way too simplistic but unfortunately we either don't bother using these or even when we do it doesn't sound real (that we really mean it).

Without emotional and physical intimacy (equally present in the relationship) we don't have a happy and satisfying relationship.


engaging in a discussion with an intellectually equal partner.

Shared activities:

interactions that build a positive memory of the shared experiences.

eg.: playing, cooking, eating something new, exercising, art-making, traveling, problem-solving or just fooling around together. It must be equally distributed (not just doing what one person wants predominately).

The most important is that the two people are able to BOND during these activities.

The more dimensions you have in a relationship the better and stronger it is going to be.

There is a key element to this:

Sex is important, but not everyone sees it as important as others. In my opinion, if this part is too different, the relationship will fall apart sooner or later.

Differences can be:

- how often and/or how long a person enjoys physical intimacy

- what the person enjoys. Some people have fetishes while the partner doesn't share the same interest. It sounds mean to break up for this reason but the truth is that it is better to find someone else in the first place who shares our interests. Hiding, lying, pretending is not going to help a relationship.

Some people are more intellectual and not interested in the sexual part. It's not that they are crazy or that you are crazy. You are different with different needs and interests. Both of you must be able, to be honest about it and move on to a partner who is very similar.

If your fetish is something that you only have the desire for very rarely, a good option is to visit a professional lady (escort).

There is always a solution. You just need to be willing to go for it.

I am available for Intimacy coaching via Skype or phone.

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